been a long time...

...since I logged an entry in this rapidly antiquated form of digital communication. Life keeps lobbing grenades at my noggin and there's certainly been a few I've chased down like a suicidal deer. But regardless...this train just keeps on chuggin' and I know sooner or later it'll pull in to the right station for me.

But what I would like to talk about tonight, on this muggy July evening in northwest Montana (while I dream about sunset hikes up Story Hills with Julie, Rupert and Pip while watching the sun set over the Tobacco Roots in my beloved Bozeman...) is YOU. If you are reading this, you are my friend. You have, and continue to, hang the stars in the sky in my section of the hemisphere. This last year has been riddled with pain, loss, uncertainty, frustration. Yet you all stick around. I can't say I know why :) But thank you. Thank you for being the kind, selfless, giving people you are. I would not have survived without you.

So in that vein...I would like to dedicate a song to all of you kind folks. To really get in the mood for this particular ditty...you'll need to embrace your emo side, comb your bangs to the side, dig out your tightest of jeans, and heck...put on some black eyeliner just for kicks and giggles. Enjoy. And thanks :)

"First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

Getting Creative

So, since I'm on top-secret-Secret-Service-lockdown and since there's probably only one or two of you out there that actually read this thing...I guess I'll talk about jobs. Or my lack thereof. Funny thing, when you have a job and you really like it...like I did...you felt pretty good about yourself. The sun was brighter, the flowers smelled fresher, the dogs were cuter (well, my dogs are cute all of the time but I suppose I'm biased :)). And when you quit your job, or like many of our fellow Americans are laid off by their employer...it's a bit of a blow to your self esteem. Even when all of your friends and family and loved ones tell you, "this will really be a great thing, think about all of the things you can do and see and learn!" Yeah yeah yeah...us routine-addicts and die-hard contributors to the GNP see right through your glass-half-full mumbojumbo. We want to contribute! We want a schedule! We want a friggin' cubicle!

So anyway...after moving (maybe?) to a strange town six hours away from my beloved Bozeman with all of my favorite trails and stores and puppy-walking-spots and most importantly...MY DREAMY FWENDS...I'm feeling a little lost. Surely someone out there needs a public relations consultant/freelance writer/aspiring artist?!?!? Yes??? FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET BABY JESUS?!?!? Never mind that the unemployment rate in Flathead County is currently at it's highest ever. Never mind that the town I'm currently residing in is one-third the size (or less?) of Bozeman. Never mind the nearest university is in Missoula, 100 miles away.

Anyway! I just got interrupted and told I'm not happy enough. I'll try to swallow some sunshine before it sets. Regardless...this gal is ready for work. Meaningful, career-driven work would sure be nice. But I guess at this point...any work will do.

Let's see...what else...Lily was attacked AGAIN by big-mean-dog at Polebridge...she's still limping but getting better. MK is loving the springtime and has taken to long, hot, sunbath sessions on the driveway. I miss my sister like crazy and my friends even more.

The politician (who shall remain nameless) is busy with conservation efforts and creating the best campaign website ever. The sea horse is growing...and I often forget it's even there. I suppose in a few months it'll be a little more front-of-mind :)

You Bozemanites...I'm coming to visit soon. I don't know when, but I hope soon. I miss you all SO much. Please come visit me...I'm going crazy up here. It'll be fun...we can run across the railroad tressel, eat really yummy sushi, ride our bikes in Glacier and I can break out the 'ol smile. Been missing it.

LOVE LOVE LOVE you all. Oh, and the song of the day is Bright Eye's "Lua" which is a horribly sad, deliciously depressing song but always makes me laugh thinking about Doug's "lego man hair". :)

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

So, I just got back Monday morning from a lovely weekend spent in the sunny, mossy, forests of Oregon. I know everyone always comments on how rainy Portland is...but nearly every time I visit Kristen and Doug it's pretty darn sun-shiney-dreamtacular. We ran with the pups, ate really yummy food, partook in some hot yoga (I'm still recovering) and did some landscape consulting. (Kristen, the Asian pear will love it's new home. I promise :)) It was just delightful getting to squeeze my sweet friend, revel in a little girl talk, and leave the house! Thanks you two...I miss you already.

Next comes Nashville, or more specifically Myfreezersbroke, TN, next week for Easter! More ladies fun with my Neliie, some waffles with chocolate sauce, and of course, COLIN FIRTH! Oh the dreaminess. I can't wait :)

After that...a trip to San Francisco to visit Will's grandparents and, I hope, some time in the sunshine. Oh...and a little road trip back to Bozeman to squeeze my friends and try to eat as much Sola/Naked Noodle/Cateye goodness as I can pack into 2.5 days. It's all about the food for me these days :)

Otherwise...things are pretty status quo. Crazy doggies, crazy dude, adjusting to this new flow of life in a new town with new people (when I actually leave the house...that is :)), and trying to determine what's next on the career path. Although I must admit I don't miss those TPS reports :)

Oh, and Lily has decided that her dad isn't going to kill/maim/otherwise dismember her. She's even taken to chewing on his cowboy boots...which joyous act of devotion had previously been reserved for my meager collection of Uggs and running shoes :)

Happy spring friends.

Home Sweet Home

What's in a home? Is it studs and drywall? Acreage and fences? A doormat and microwave? I've been thinking about that a lot since I became homeless about six months ago. I have a storage unit and PO Box (thanks, sister). I have a car and two puppies. I have a dreamy dude who is an insatiable chess player. And I have lots and lots of boxes of, well, stuff. After four days in Bozeman moving out of my apartment and packing up stuff for storage and packing up the truck for Whitefish, I sat in the middle of my "stuff" for a good long while and thought about what was actually there. Memories that make me cry. Memories that make me laugh. Broken pieces of charcoal from an art class taken ten (yes, I'm old) years ago in college. My very first mountain bike. Photographs. Old jackets and bags. No less than five pairs of crampons and four pairs of ice climbing boots. Towels. Pillows. Blankets. Stuff.

What do we do with all of this "stuff"? What do we truly need? When I think about when I've been the happiest in life, everything i owned fit into a backpack and a few Tupperware bins. I lived in New Zealand for five months with two pairs of shorts, running shoes, climbing gear, a fleece and a rain jacket. Those were the most blissful, fulfilling, and meaningful days of my life. So far :) So as I was sitting amongst all of my belongings in my storage unit, trying to figure out what to leave and what to take...I had a bit of an epiphany (okay. It could have been all of the chocolate-covered-cinnamon-bears I was tripping out on). The reason why I have such a hard time letting go of the past, and moving on in the future...is because I'm afraid I'll forget all of the lessons I learned along the way. The ripped backpack that saw the summits of so many mountains taught me patience, perseverance, strength and humility. The scrapbook of all of the houses Chris and I built and remodeled taught me about love, kindness, trust, priorities in life, the importance of solid communication, and how to lay tile like a mo' fo'. And all of the random art supplies, mixed cd's and chock-full journals are reminders that I can see myself through just about anything...provided I have the right tools :) I cling to all of these reminders of the past because I need their strength to get me through the future. As you will soon find out...there are more and more changes on the way. Big changes, little changes, decisions that will forever take my life in a completely different direction than the course I've been charting.

So, stay tuned. In the meantime...come and visit me in my new temporary home :) It's lovely in Whitefish in the spring time...

McKinley the Super Hero

I always knew my sweet angel puppy McKinley was not a normal sort of Siberian Husky. He was always taller, faster, smarter than the other puppies at the dog park. He wasn't a simple people-pleaser...if he wasn't done backcountry skiing or trail running yet (even if his food dispenser mom was...) he simply chose to find new partners in the parking lot, and proceeded to turn tail and make me wait until he WAS ready to head home. And the older he gets, the more of a best friend/love bug he has become. Rough patches in life are scraped clean by his big paws...and his copious fluffy fur has soaked up many tears.

This Sunday morning, a normal walk through the blissful North Fork valley turned into another moment for MK to unfurl his SuperDog cape. Lily (new puppy and MK's napping nemesis) was brutally attacked by an non-neutered male Shepard/lab mix. While I watched in horror as little Lily was shaken and bitten violently by this big behemoth, our little wonder dog was galloping to the scene with lightning speed. Before Will or I could intervene and pull Lily from the jaws of death, MK leap on the dog, grabbed it by its throat and caused it to drop Lily. He then paced in between the still-aggressive dog and our sweet Lily, crying and shaken on the ground. He protected Lily, the new addition to his pack (which he'd probably rather do without) and me, his old food-dispenser mom who he has spent every day of his nearly 11 years prancing about as my sidekick, busting through the good and bad adventures of life with.

But little did I know, I've really been HIS sidekick all along.

Since the incident, MK has assumed a perch on the bed (normally a no-no for doggies), demanding bacon and bread to replenish his SuperDog resources. Lily, however, escaped this attack with four bite marks, a staple, a missing tooth and a VERY odd hair cut (don't worry sweetie, it'll grow back :)) She has since camped out UNDER (always in close proximity to her savior and pack leader MK...) the bed, right next to the rifle. We think she's plotting revenge.

So here's to my Wonder Puppy, McKinley Edwards The Great, protector of all, king of the mountains, hater of kitties. The next time you see him, give him an extra scratch and side of bacon:)

Girl Quits Job, Quits Life...Starts Living

"When life is hard, you have to change." Who knew a druggie alt-rocker from the 90s would have so much life insight (and good advice)? Regardless...Shannon Hoon and his lyrics have been sprinting around my noggin the past few months...leaving sneaker prints all over my previously shiny cerebrum walls. After spending 12 years of my life tucked away in this cozy-yet-bustling mountain berg of Bozeman, and the last four years introducing media the wonders of the state of Montana...I'm throwing off the bow lines.

I keep getting the same question, "what is your plan?", and for once...I don't have one. For a girl who likes a good routine better than a bowl of chocolate and peanut butter...this uncertainty is about as comfortable as a snoot full of porcupine quills (ask McKinley about that one...). However after a year full of major life changes, why not add a few more into the mix. Go big, or go home...right?

I've never been much of a regular blogger on this thing. I always eschewed this sort of technological navel gazing for frolicking around the hills with my puppy, friends, and family. Yet in the interest of keeping in touch with all of you while I plod down this nomadic existence I am double-knotting my trail runners for...keep checking in. For photos, road maps, plane ticket stubs, moments of lucidity, hours of insanity, and seconds of profound understanding.

So, take my hand, plug in your iPod tuned to some really good music (might I suggest Gregory Alan Isakov, Matt & Kim, Rogue Wave or the always delightful Johnny Cash...), and share an adventure or two with me. Giddyup.

National Parks Conservation Association

My friend Will Hammerquist (of the National Parks Conservation Association: www.npca.org) will be traveling to Spain in late June to lobby the United Nations to recognize the Waterton/Glacier International Peace Park as an endangered world heritage site. Join me in supporting this cause...as a Canadian coal mining company is threatening to develop a mine at the headwaters of the Flathead River...just 25 miles from Glacier National Park. Here are a few shots from the North Fork of the Flathead River taken on a press trip two summers ago...it's a mystical, magical, endearing place.

Steel Magnolias

Moments from a fun ladies weekend with Kristyn and Danielle in Tennessee and Georgia. Nothing like a little upper lip sweat with your favorite gal pals to keep you giggling! Remember...keep your eyes on Jesus! Love you both:)

Hippy tree-hugging climber...or motorhead?

The best thing about getting older, wiser, more comfortable in your skin...and living in MONTANA...is that you don't have to subscribe to the restrictions of social sects. I'm a climber, a trail runner, a backcountry skier, a Nordic skier, a recycler, a green builder, a mountain biker...AND a snowmobiler and dirt biker! For a long while I eschewed my motor-tendencies because I didn't feel they fit into the niche I had carved for myself, who I saw myself being. However, who I saw myself being isn't necessarily who I AM. I'm a farm girl who could drive a 4-wheeler at age 8. Truck at 9. Tractor at 10. Combine at 12. And I can back up a truck with a trailer like a mo' fo'. So...in addition to the Deep Snow Special which provides me with stellar backcountry skiing and ice climbing access all winter long...I've expanded my throttle-quiver to include this lovely KTM 450 dirt bike. Which doubles as my summer transportation...saving a few thousands of gallons of gas in the process :) Vroom vroom

My Nellie

It's not very often that someone comes into your life who brings the sun along with her, wherever her travelin' shoes take her. Meet Danielle. One of my best friends also disguised as sister/confidant/adventure mate/travel buddy/fellow movie lover/fly fishing guide. I wish you all a fwend like Nell in your life, who just can't help it but radiate kindness, vitality, and love. Love you Nellie and I can't wait to see you SOON!

Flip Me!

To better illustrate how freakin' awesome Montana is...I got a Flip! Super convenient, tiny video camera that I can plug directly into my computer USB port. Check out one of its inaugural excursions...lunchtime run/walks up the "M" with my two favorite gals...Carolyn and Meggan!

Some of my favorite ladies...

Part of my job entails me getting out "in the field" with visiting journalists. In late January I had the privilege of accompanying some hard-chargin' gals around the hills in southwest Montana. Snowmobiling Two Top, steaming geyser spelunking, touring Fawn Pass, shredding Big Sky Resort, and dog sledding are just a sampling of the antics we partook in. Thanks Lesley, Kim, Gigi, Sarah and Donnie for making my job so easy!

Music

Those of you who know me well know that I have a bit of a thing for music. One of my professors in college told me that I was probably drawn to writing because it was my quiet little introverted way of expressing myself. She was probably right. But as I've gotten a little older, a little wrinklier, a little more cynical, and a lot more fun...I think that need for self expression has somehow shifted to music. Not that I'm very talented at actually PLAYING music...but I can make one hell of a mixed cd:) Here's my mix for you all today...my sweet fwends who rock my world.

Eyes - Rogue Wave
One Hundred Million Years - M. Ward
Trenchtown Rock - Bob Marley
I'm Good, I'm Gone - Lykke Li
Galileo - Indigo Girls
Feelin' Alright - Sweatshop Union
Middle Management - Bishop Allen
The Motorcycle Song - Arlo Guthrie
Travelin' Thru - Dolly Parton
Skinny Love - Bon Iver
Burn One Down (the live version) - Ben Harper
Old Enough - The Raconteurs
Beautiful - Damien Marley

Happy listening :)

Happiness

For a lot of years, and maybe it's just youth and inexperience, I spent much of my time pointing fingers at why I wasn't happy at that particular moment. "My car is broken." "My boss is unrealistic." "We always do whatever you want to do." "My parents are getting divorced." "The economy sucks." And on and on and on. Luckily I've had a few honest and forthright friends along the way willing to grab my shoulders and shake me out of my self-inflicted victimization. Because after all, the first lesson you learn as a farm kid is that the corn doesn't grow unless you plant it, and if you don't plant it...no one else is going to do it for you. Own your actions and decisions. Take responsibility. As Shannon Hoon (of Blind Melon fame for you non-music-snobs:)) would say, "when life is hard, you have to change."

Some sad news came my way today regarding a dear friend who wasn't happy, and wasn't willing to change to make himself so. We all get bogged down by gray weather, long winters, bad economies, lackluster relationships and aging Siberian Huskies...to name a few :) However what I've somehow learned along the way...and which I hope to never forget...is that we make our own happiness. We are the masters and commanders of our own universes. And despite an ailing economy, the credit market in ruins, a rapidly overpopulated earth and the unfortunate boom of reality television (okay I admit I'm a Hills addict. It's sad but true. I'm currently engaging in an Ernest Hemingway treatment program :))...we have the luxury of free will. The ability and right to wake up in the morning on the sunny side of the street.

So...here's to all of the rays of sunshine in my life...who inspire me each and every moment to be a better person, a smarter person, a happier person. You know who you are:) "There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." -Buddha

Baffin Island

Freedom Fries

The fam and I spent the better part of February spit-shining our ugly American skills (Ain't ya'll got a KFC 'round here? You know, The Colonel?) amongst the splitter granite spires of Chamonix, France. We skied. A lot. And ate a whole mess of crepes :)

Ecuador

Yeah, so, it's been awhile. In addition to TPS reports and grooming MK for the next Westminster Dog Show (he's a shoe in for the "toy dog" category), I got outside a little. Ecuador, baby!

It's English, stupid.

This blog began as a knife-to-the-throat exercise encouraged by my place of employment. And...just like anything forced upon me...I eschewed it for the most part. Bucking the system as us anarchist wannabes do while kneeling before our Zac De La Rocha shrines. However...as the months (and years) pass by and all of the time I USED to devote to writing gradually gets siphoned away hosting journalists, restoring houses, selling houses, performing deep-conditioning treatments for a certain metrosexual Siberian Husky, and occasionally running/skiing/climbing/rafting/hiking through the hills as quickly as possible (the faster you go the more you can see!)...I've decided to use this little sliver of Al Gore's series of tubes called the internet machine to bone up on my scholarly skills. So, to keep you all mildly interested in escapades that compromise my jam-packed days and often sleepless nights...I vow to update this mo'fo once a week. Giddyup!

Fishin'

My favorite ladies...and some slippery little suckers.

ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)